Loud Cannon fire
by NintendoNoir1
Summary: Luan orders a cannon, and hilarity ensues in the following. Quite the typical day in the Loud House, really. This piece was done for the requested premise from Barbacar. Give the story a read and review, and don't forget to Barbacar's profile a gander!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Greetings, Fanfiction! This here is the second Loud House fic of mine. This premise was requested by Barbacar. Working with this premise, it's somewhat of a short piece. First time doing request, so don't be shy about those reviews! Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer/Legal BS: I do not own Loud House. Nickelodeon and Chris Savino does. So please don't take this fic down.**

"Everybody, come outside! You got to see what came in the mail for me!"

Those were the shouted words of Luan Loud, bringing all members of her family outside at 9 am. Upon exiting their home, they had an odd sight to behold. Luan, equipped with a crowbar, standing next to a gargantuan crate. And for some quirky reason, she had a novelty cigar in her mouth. She continuously placed effort in prying it open, unconsciously chomping the cigar. Before she could finish her prying, she was bombarded with questions from her family.

"Luan, what is going on?" was the primary question from her parents.

"And why did it have to interrupt my beauty sleep?!" A shrieked query from Lola. One that received odd looks towards her.

"What? I need to double my sleep on Saturdays to balance all my beauty on a weekly basis." was her justified response.

"Guys ,guys!" Luan flailed her arms, trying to get all the attention back towards her, "This is what I've been saving up all my payments for! It finally came in today!"

Lincoln takes a moment of time to address the audience, performing his usual talent of delivering exposition -

 _"Luan has been performing around town for the past couple of weeks. She's been getting some small paychecks and saving them up. Apparently for this..."_

And with one last pry, Luan finally managed to prop open the crate. As soon as the front wall was propped, the other three walls detached from each other, falling down like a bizarre domino effect. Unveiling, was a giant object. Oblong shaped, on two wheels, and the size of a small car. Bared the bright red and yellow colors of a circus tent. And, of course, the complementary fuse at the bottom of it.

It was a cannon. A darn cannon.

"Luan...why did you order a cannon?" Luna slowly drawled out her confusion.

"Well, duh!" Exclaimed Luan, "Most of my gigs have been at parties. So, I figured that I needed something to enhance my routine. What better than a cannon?"

Bewildered and concerned faces were exchanged in glances between the witnessing Louds. They keep forgetting that Luan takes her comedy very, _very serious._

"Lynn, you ready?" queried the comedian to the athlete.

"Ready! I've been preparing my whole life for this!" Lynn says, instantly prepping herself with her football helmet, rushing towards the cannon.

"WAIT,WHAT?!" The family exclaims in response.

"I've been in on this for a while." Lynn expositions, "And I volunteered for Luan to be her test dummy for the first launch out of it." She concludes the exposition as she inserts herself into the barrel of the cannon.

"And this is when I volunteer to do the trajectory math for you two." Lisa says as she scurries to the side of the cannon, swiftly jotting down notes.

"But why?" was the first question out of Lincoln. Curious as to what possessed three of his sisters to partake in this hair-brained stunt.

"For me, the pursuit of comical advancing." Luan states proudly, as if she announces it as an adventure alongside the divine.

"For me, endurance. Nothing shows perfected endurance like surviving cannon fire!" Lynn says with an enthusiastic grin. A look of craving, craving for a rush of athletic accomplishment.

"And I'm doing it, for their safety." Lisa says nonchalantly, "Seriously, do you expect them to do the numbers themselves? They'd get themselves killed."

While the family couldn't help but agree with Lisa's logic. Only to return to being bewildered at Luan and Lynn's insanity. At least Lisa was concerned with safety, but these two were in it for half-baked motives!

"This is crazy! And a terrible idea!" were the interjections from the parents and siblings.

"Oh well, too late. And we have our numbers done. Enjoy the show, and let's light it up!" Luan swiftly rambled, before rushing down to business. In her quirky manner, Luan let the fuse with the lighting of her faux-cigar. Tensions rise as the fuse is near it's end. Luan and the others jammed their fingers in their ears. Sensibly, Lisa inserts her ear plugs casually. In a sudden gust of soot from the barrel, covering everyone in it,went Lynn a flying. Flying swiftly, straight forward, gaining up on speed and height.

"Wow!" Luan interjects, using her hand to shade her eyes from the sun, "Now Lynn must really be feeling _high_ and mighty!"

Everyone was too shocked by what happened to even respond with the usual groan to Luan's joke.

"Whoa!" Luna said in awe, "Lynn may as well have spread her wings, cause she's getting higher. And higher. And higher..."

And it was by that point, that Lynn had reached a uncertain height in an uncertain hemisphere. Completely away from the ground, and out of their sights. Even came with a small twinkle in the sky. They sported flabbergasted expressions. Their panicking selves immediately turned towards Lisa. All pleading for answers.

Lisa furiously went through her notes, before looking back up at her worried relatives. Her face expressed the realization of a clumsy mistake..

"It seems I forgot to carry the one in my calculations. Thus, off setting most of the numbers I had prepared for the launch..." Lisa states with a cringed and awkward expression, anticipating the backlash from the others.

And she was right to expect.

The backlash came from them in one, quick wave of emotion. Ranging from fear to rage to grievance. They all expressed several feelings after another, before Lisa finally calmed them down for her next statement.

"Do not worry. Newton's law still has to come in effect. What goes up must come down."

"Not to mention," Lincoln buts in, "with the luck this family has, she'll be back soon, and ready to be a bigger pain than before."

The family couldn't refrain from agreeing with all that logic. Each of the Louds have endured outrageous circumstances before, and come back from it without much consequences. At that point, they all realized their only option for now, was to go inside and wait for Lynn to fall back down...

 **(several hours later...)**

It was nightfall by now, and Lincoln had just came out to take the trash out. And as he places the garbage in containment, he couldn't stop himself from looking up at the sky, with a forlorn look. He really was worried about his sister. Whenever the Louds would come back from crazed scenarios, it usually didn't take this long. But then again, it usually wasn't of this profound circumstance.

"Lynn, I really do hope you come back..." Lincoln murmured sadly. His face fell, fell to the point of him staring at the ground. Should he believe that his sister was gone? Never to be seen again?

These thoughts were quickly dashed as he caught of what seemed to be...a shooting star? Yes, that must be it. And Lincoln being the idealist he was, closed his eyes shut, and prayed upon his wish.

"I wish Lynn would come back to us."

Suddenly, in a matter of seconds later, this prayed wish was interrupted by the sound of loud shouting from above. He swiftly turned to his right, where the sound seemed to have been coming from above. It seemed as the "shooting star", had taken a new direction...from across the sky to heading straight towards. Before Lincoln's mind could process panic, he heard the familiar shouting from above as well. The familiar shouting of a sporty teenager...

"Someone soft get in my way!" was the yelled words from the incoming "star". And yes, with a further glance, Lincoln could see it for what it was: Lynn, helmeted and cover in soot, flying towards him. Err, not so much as flying, but more of crash landing towards him.

Lincoln couldn't process any more thought until it was too late. His projectile sister, and her crashing weight, had rushed to give a big, bone-crushing hug. Oh, the pain.

"Ooof!" Lincoln exclaimed as the body's weight shoved him down to the ground. His eyes glanced at the body on top of him. Red clothes, helmet with brunette hair stick out from under it. Yep, definitively Lynn. Who was covered so much soot, that it had gotten all over Lincoln. Which in return, may have just dyed his white hair to black.

And the soot-covered athlete just jolts right back up, standing in a pose of victory.

"YEAH!" She exclaimed, "What a rush! I could swear I saw the sun rise and set twice. Nothing says perfect athlete like surviving orbit! Try to beat that Lincoln!"

"I think you broke something..." Whimpered Lincoln, lying on the ground. His hand slowly risen, pleading Lynn to give him a hand back up.

"Walk it off, Lincoln." Lynn says, then walking herself back inside the house, "And wash your hair! You look like a Lucy knock-off!"

Lincoln groaned in both frustration and out of his injuries. His hand and body surrendering back to the pavement beneath him. He would then reassume his talent of narrative and address our dear audience once more -

 _"New wish. I wish for a fixed rib. Or at least the paramedics."_

The concluded exposition would be his last words before fainting from the agony of his injuries...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer/Legal BS: Once more, I do not own the Loud House. Nickelodeon and Chris Savino does. So, please don't take this fic down. That said, please read, review, and enjoy!**

 **A/N: Also, during this chapter, I'm starting a little debate. Through your reviews, tell me: Through Lincoln's fourth wall breaking, should I allow the narrator to be an independent acting entity? Should I continue using him as such in some of my stories? You decide and tell me.**

Lincoln had been stewing in his own self-loathing for the past couple of days. Even right now, as he is bearing as an audience member to one of Luan's comedy shows. While Luan would be performing juggling, ventriloquism and such, he was sitting amongst the crowd pouting. And all while Leni was behind him, still trying to shampoo the soot out of his hair for the third day in a row. Still hasn't come out, leaving the once albino white hair as a shade of pitch black. This truly hasn't been his week.

The crowd kept laughing, eating up the humor of the clown-garbed teen. She had just momentarily stopped juggling, acting as she was tired. As if it were in order to recharge her batteries, she places in her mouth a large, novelty cigar. She takes out a lighter, lightly sparking it lit. She looked as if she were ready to wrap the show up for the day.

"Alright folks, now my next trick is going to be a LOUD one!" she quipped. Lincoln figured it was a miracle that the crowd didn't groan in response. She carried on anyway.

"Bring out the cannon!" She exclaimed with hand gestures. The crowd turned to the left in awe of the grand old cannon being brought out for their entertainment. Lynn and their father were the ones pushing the hunk of an instrument outward. Lynn seemed ecstatic while their father seemed exhausted by pushing it out.

"Ugh, this thing weighs a ton!" complained Lynn Sr.

"Come on, Dad!", taunts the namesake daughter, "You got to work those biceps!"

The two Louds finally managed to stroll the cannon to the center of the yard, right next to Luan. Luan seemed to lightly resume with excitement as she begins to gesture dramatically before the crowd once more. "Ladies and Gentlemen! Prepare to be amazed, as we perform...'The Launch of a Loud!'"

"My time to fly..." Lynn begin to say as she whips out her helmet, begin to walk towards the barrel of the cannon, before she was suddenly interrupted by a noise arising from the crowd.

"I volunteer! I volunteer to be launched!"

Many gasps were summoned from the crowd, and everyone, including the three Louds, turned their heads to the source of the announced tribute. Lincoln rushing forward, quickly ruffling the suds out of his remaining black hair. He quickly approached the others and the cannon before they could even completely register what's going on.

"Lincoln, what are you doing?!" Lynn questioned with shock.

"I want to be launched from the cannon! Lynn ain't the only one tough enough to do so!" Lincoln said spiteful. Lynn couldn't help but be taken back a bit from her brother's venomous words.

Luan, not knowing what to do in this situation, turns towards her father for answers. He only responded with a absent minded shrug of confusion. Oddly enough, Luan figured that was good enough for her.

"Alright Linc, grab a helmet, and get inside the cannon!" Luan instructed, wanting to finish the show. In response, Lincoln simply snatched the helmet out of Lynn's hands, and ran to the cannon.

"Hey!" Lynn whines, but on deaf ears from Lincoln as he hops inside the cannon.

"Ladies and Gentlemen!" Luan announces, "We're lighting it up!"

And on that mark, the crowd went quiet. Luan immediately ran around the cannon, using her lit, novelty cigar as a match to light the fuse. While the two Lynns would silently fret over the sole boy's safety, Lincoln merely attempted to prepare himself for the astounding event about to happen. Happening in three...two...one. Blast off.

Like a rocket, he went off into the air. Blasted off with a gush of smoke and soot tailing him. As he flew, he began to pick up speed and accelerate almost out of sight. Gone with a twinkle in the sky. None of those down below could truly behold the sight before them.

Not even the narrator.

 _ **(Oh, wow. Ummm...hey Luna! Hey, the narrator here. Usually, I speak to Lincoln, but he's a little preoccupied. You think you can perform the fourth wall break for me?)**_

"You got it, dude!" Luna appeared, with a boom-box in her arms. Pressing the play button, began playing Van Halen's "Dreams". Thus, referencing the event through musical lyrics. Quite the fun for Luna. Although not satisfaction for the narrator.

 _ **(Ugh, I am so not getting paid for this. Anyway, back to Lincoln...)**_

Lincoln could've really enjoyed the grace of this flight if the smoke and soot weren't in way of his vision. As a result of literally flying blind, all he could feel was fear. Fear that magnified in feeling as soon as his vision was cleared, and catching sight of the ground, rushing in to give him a big kiss of grass and dirt.

"OW!" He exclaimed as he made contact with the ground. Propping himself up, brushing the dirt off, Lincoln took a moment to register his surroundings. And he was shocked by what he recognized, registering fields and bamboo fields.

 **(China!)**

"Ok, I don't even want to figure out what cartoonish physics it took for this to happen. I'll leave that on Lisa's plate back home." Lincoln monologues.

 _ **(Hey, you're for exposition! About time.)**_

Approaching Lincoln was a small, Chinese girl, dressed in stereotypical peasant garb. She looked at him all bewildered, as if he were a strange being that came down from the heavens. Lincoln had a small hope that she would speak English, for she would be his one hope out of here.

"'Sup." she greeted.

This surprised Lincoln, "You speak English!"

"Buddy, I'm from New York. I'm just on vacation with the family, and came down here from a costume shop." She explains with a frown, making Lincoln feel as if he were offensive.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend!" He frantically tries to explain himself. But she gestures for him to relax.

"Chill, it's cool. I understand. I'm Daiyu." She said.

"I'm Lincoln." He returns her introduction.

"So, what was with you falling from the sky?"

"Launched from a cannon. I'm actually from Rhode Island." Lincoln explains.

"And you wounded up in China? How does that work?" She queries.

"I don't know. I'd say Excuse Plot." Lincoln passes off an answer, fourth wall breaking tending to work half the time.

"Eh?" Daiyu raises an eyebrow in response.

"Never mind. Any idea how I can get back?" Lincoln queries with a trace of desperation.

In return, Daiyu gives a grin, which had gotten a bit of a fright of Lincoln. But he kind of knew that she was kind of his one hope to get back. Backing out would rather hurt his chances than fix them.

"Follow me. I got something back at my place that should help you." She said, turning to lead him down the hill and to a hotel room.

Although feeling a bit uneasy, Lincoln decided to place some trust in her, following her lead. Hopefully, she is his key back home...

 _ **(Meanwhile, back at Luan's show.)**_

"WAS IT SUPPOSE TO GO THAT HIGH AND FAR?" Lynn Sr. questioned frantically, worried that his only son was gone. His fears weren't falling on deaf ears, but weren't being returned with the same kind of response. Next to him, was the huddle of his three daughters; Lynn, Luan, and Lisa.

Definitely grateful for Lisa's presence in the matter. Hopefully the Einstein of the family could figure something out. He just wished she would take a break from her calculations, and clue him in on what's to be done. Which she does.

"Believe it or not, Lynn provided the cannon with too much sulfur. Therefore, giving it too powerful of a blast." Lisa stated in a matter of a fact tone. Which with such information, had done nothing but set the elder Loud off.

"LYNN! Why?!" Shrieked the father at his athlete of a daughter.

"Now, hey! I wasn't the one that volunteered to fire Lincoln off!" She attempted to defend her case here.

"He wouldn't have pulled this stunt if you hadn't taunted him so much!" Argued the Loud patriarch.

At that remark, the bunch went silent. Lynn couldn't help but be silent with the rush of guilt summoned by it. Luan and Lisa had been silent trying to stay out of the argument. And they became so silent, they just now realized that the crowd had been gazing at them awkwardly.

The silence had suddenly been interrupted by the sounds of music and roaring noises. Noise so loud that they were capable of tracing which direction that it was coming from. Up in the sky, about towards their left, they could see the red light of flares piercing the clouds. The silence being invaded by the roars of a rocket, even accompanied by the solemn notes of..."Rocket Man"?

This was enough of an anomaly that Luna suddenly appeared amongst the crowd, and acknowledged the musical interruption. "Rockin' sound, Dude!"

It wasn't until the musical and blaring source made it's way past the clouds, that it made it's way into sight. And it was an astounding sight to behold: Lincoln, partially tied and riding his way back, on a Chinese firework. A feat that shouldn't realistically make sense. But even the likes of Lisa couldn't deny that it's happening. She'll have to work the facts of that out later.

"Yahooooo!" Exclaimed an understandably excited Lincoln, pumping his fist in the air with a flare of triumph.

It was all an exciting sight...until it quickly became a frightening one, as they all realized the firework and Lincoln were headed straight for them. Even the narrator couldn't resist the moment to panic.

 _ **(Oh crud! Wet yourselves, scatter, and run like children!)**_

As the children and their caretakers began to run in a frantic frenzy, in many directions, they graciously became further away from the impending crash of the firework...everyone but the Louds, who were worried for their attached sibling. It was as if they were glued to the spot as the firework (and Lincoln) finally made their crash landing. Oddly enough, rather than an exploding crash with fire, it was just a simple burst of glitter and, you guessed it, soot.

"Are the laws of physics on vacation today?!" Exclaimed Lisa as she, and her family, became covered in glitter and soot. Nothing was making any sense today!

"Oh my!" Interjected Leni as she approached the scene, "You all must have messy hair by this point! Good thing I brought my shampoo-on-the-go!"

Stepping from the smoky crater was Lincoln. Who, rather than just his hair, was now covered from head to toe in soot. His orange polo and his blue jeans were now pitch black. Not to mention, a tad tattered. But despite such, he strolled from the sight with confidence. Strolling away as such while his family simply stood still in shock.

"Beat that, Lynn." boasted Lincoln as he waltz from the sight behind him.

And all they could do, especially Lynn, was have their jaws drop. And after recollecting themselves and resuming their way back home, Lisa resumed her frantic attempt to apply logic to her notes for the day...

Luan, on the way, acted as if she was still inhaling from her novelty cigar. May not be real, but _idea of smoking_ may help her nerves. As well as provide enough energy for one last joke.

"I'll say, that final act was _smokin'!_ " Luan jested with an atrocious pun.

Before any of her siblings could turn to respond to her, the novelty cigar _popped_ in her mouth. Leaving her face covered in more soot, sketched in the shape of a star. This conveniently timed incident, on the other hand, actually got a laugh out of her family.

And for that, Luan joined in on the laughter as she and her family returned to the car...

 ** _END._**


End file.
